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Article about relationships with older guys:
10 Things To Expect, According To Experts Dating an older man can be great. But he',s been in the game longer than you. And there are a few things you should know before hopping into a relationship.
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Dating An Older Man? Here's Exactly What To Expect. Do you get turned on by thought of a man who's got his 401K all figured out? Or maybe a salt-and-pepper beard just gets you going? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might want to consider dating an older man. Don't worry, you're in good company. Amal and George. Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Blake and Ryan. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. And they all seem to be making it work. But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So I tapped two relationship experts, Chloe Carmichael, PhD, and Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, to break down the most important things you should consider before dating an older man. 1. You may not be in the relationship for all the right reasons. We don't really know who someone is for the first two to six months of a relationship," Hendrix says. So it's really important to ask yourself why you're so attracted to any person, but especially one that's significantly older than you. You could be projecting stereotypes on to them just because of their age, Hendrix says. Maybe you think they're more settled or assume that they travels lot because you met on vacation in Tulum, but the truth is they're not even looking for commitment and they only go on vacation once a year. If you're attracted to someone older, Hendrix usually advises her clients to just bounce the idea off of someone you trust first. 2. He may have a lot more—or a lot less—time for you. If your S.O. is an older man, he may have a more flexible work schedule (or even be retired, if he's way older), which means more free time for you. This can be refreshing for many women, says Hendrix, especially if you're used to dating guys who don't know what they want (out of life or in a relationship). But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting. "The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on." "The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on," Hendrix says. Fast-forward a year into the relationship, and his less-than-busy schedule could feel stifling, Hendrix warns. Maybe he wants to go on romantic weekend getaways every Friday, but you can't leave work until 8 or 9 p.m. because you're still climbing the corporate ladder and have a **few** more years of grinding to do. You may find that you two have different ideas about how you want to spend your time together. On the flip side, you might find that an older man has less time for you than you'd hoped. If he's in an executive-level position at a company, he might work late nights, which means dinners out with you aren't going to happen often. Or perhaps he's just a man of routine (fair, at his age), and work has trumped everything else for so long, quality time just isn't on the top of his priority list. Are you cool with this? If not, and this is the case, you might want to have a chat—or date younger. 3. You might not be as emotionally mature as you think. Yes, I said it! He's been in the game longer than you, which means he could be more emotionally intelligent. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You want someone who knows how to fight and handle conflict, Hendrix says. But you have to be sure you're on the same emotional maturity level as him. Otherwise, "all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect," Hendrix says. An older man might not want to play the back-and-forth games of a younger gentleman. Instead, he might be super direct and feel comfortable saying exactly what's on his mind, Carmichael says. But are you? Dating an older man might require you to become more vulnerable and let down a few your typical guards. Dating today is hard with a capital H. Some much-needed guidance to make it easier: 4. There might be an ex-wife or children in his life. If he's got more than a couple years on you, then he's likely had a couple more relationships, too. And one of them may have even ended in divorce. Again—not a bad thing. If your man has been through a marriage that didn't work out, "they tend to approach the second marriage with more care and wisdom, bringing along lessons they learned about themselves as a partner in the previous relationship,†Carmichael says. (Woot!) That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that's something else to consider. How old are his kids? Does he see them often? Will you be involved in their lives? This requires a serious conversation. Integrating into his family could prove to be more difficult than you thought, especially if he has older daughters, Carmichael says. Studies show daughters are less receptive to bringing a younger woman into the family, she notes. 5. Your life trajectories could be headed in completely different directions. If the older man you're seeing is someone you're seriously considering spending the future with, you may want to actually talk about your futures. Chances are, he may have a completely different picture of what the next 10 or 20 years look like. "Even if you were dating someone your own age, you wouldn't want to assume they had the same trajectory for their life as you did," Carmichael says. And you definitely don't want to do that in a relationship with a sizable age gap, since they probably have a more concrete picture of the next few years. Maybe you want to get married and have two kids, move out to California, and retire somewhere on a vineyard in Napa. But he's been there, done that. He has the kids, a retirement house in Palm Springs, and is one alimony check away from hiding his money somewhere on the Almalfi coast. (Let's hope not.) It's important to understand what both of you want your lives to look like in the future. Try saying: "I know that you’ve probably already done a lot of the things in life that I want to do," Carmichael recommends. Then ask him if he'd be willing to do those things (think: marriage, kids, traveling often), again.
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Article about relationships with older guys:
10 Things To Expect, According To Experts Dating an older man can be great. But he',s been in the game longer than you. And there are a few things you should know before hopping into a relationship.
Click here for Relationships with older guys
Dating An Older Man? Here's Exactly What To Expect. Do you get turned on by thought of a man who's got his 401K all figured out? Or maybe a salt-and-pepper beard just gets you going? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might want to consider dating an older man. Don't worry, you're in good company. Amal and George. Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Blake and Ryan. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. And they all seem to be making it work. But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So I tapped two relationship experts, Chloe Carmichael, PhD, and Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, to break down the most important things you should consider before dating an older man. 1. You may not be in the relationship for all the right reasons. We don't really know who someone is for the first two to six months of a relationship," Hendrix says. So it's really important to ask yourself why you're so attracted to any person, but especially one that's significantly older than you. You could be projecting stereotypes on to them just because of their age, Hendrix says. Maybe you think they're more settled or assume that they travels lot because you met on vacation in Tulum, but the truth is they're not even looking for commitment and they only go on vacation once a year. If you're attracted to someone older, Hendrix usually advises her clients to just bounce the idea off of someone you trust first. 2. He may have a lot more—or a lot less—time for you. If your S.O. is an older man, he may have a more flexible work schedule (or even be retired, if he's way older), which means more free time for you. This can be refreshing for many women, says Hendrix, especially if you're used to dating guys who don't know what they want (out of life or in a relationship). But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting. "The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on." "The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on," Hendrix says. Fast-forward a year into the relationship, and his less-than-busy schedule could feel stifling, Hendrix warns. Maybe he wants to go on romantic weekend getaways every Friday, but you can't leave work until 8 or 9 p.m. because you're still climbing the corporate ladder and have a **few** more years of grinding to do. You may find that you two have different ideas about how you want to spend your time together. On the flip side, you might find that an older man has less time for you than you'd hoped. If he's in an executive-level position at a company, he might work late nights, which means dinners out with you aren't going to happen often. Or perhaps he's just a man of routine (fair, at his age), and work has trumped everything else for so long, quality time just isn't on the top of his priority list. Are you cool with this? If not, and this is the case, you might want to have a chat—or date younger. 3. You might not be as emotionally mature as you think. Yes, I said it! He's been in the game longer than you, which means he could be more emotionally intelligent. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You want someone who knows how to fight and handle conflict, Hendrix says. But you have to be sure you're on the same emotional maturity level as him. Otherwise, "all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect," Hendrix says. An older man might not want to play the back-and-forth games of a younger gentleman. Instead, he might be super direct and feel comfortable saying exactly what's on his mind, Carmichael says. But are you? Dating an older man might require you to become more vulnerable and let down a few your typical guards. Dating today is hard with a capital H. Some much-needed guidance to make it easier: 4. There might be an ex-wife or children in his life. If he's got more than a couple years on you, then he's likely had a couple more relationships, too. And one of them may have even ended in divorce. Again—not a bad thing. If your man has been through a marriage that didn't work out, "they tend to approach the second marriage with more care and wisdom, bringing along lessons they learned about themselves as a partner in the previous relationship,†Carmichael says. (Woot!) That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that's something else to consider. How old are his kids? Does he see them often? Will you be involved in their lives? This requires a serious conversation. Integrating into his family could prove to be more difficult than you thought, especially if he has older daughters, Carmichael says. Studies show daughters are less receptive to bringing a younger woman into the family, she notes. 5. Your life trajectories could be headed in completely different directions. If the older man you're seeing is someone you're seriously considering spending the future with, you may want to actually talk about your futures. Chances are, he may have a completely different picture of what the next 10 or 20 years look like. "Even if you were dating someone your own age, you wouldn't want to assume they had the same trajectory for their life as you did," Carmichael says. And you definitely don't want to do that in a relationship with a sizable age gap, since they probably have a more concrete picture of the next few years. Maybe you want to get married and have two kids, move out to California, and retire somewhere on a vineyard in Napa. But he's been there, done that. He has the kids, a retirement house in Palm Springs, and is one alimony check away from hiding his money somewhere on the Almalfi coast. (Let's hope not.) It's important to understand what both of you want your lives to look like in the future. Try saying: "I know that you’ve probably already done a lot of the things in life that I want to do," Carmichael recommends. Then ask him if he'd be willing to do those things (think: marriage, kids, traveling often), again.
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