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Article about girls for older guys:
Most, if not all, women have experienced unwanted attention from older men in their lives. However, it's more difficult for young girls — from their preteens to their early twenties — to discern when this attention is predatory, especially as society conditions them to perceive male attention as a marker of their value. Consequently, society has normalized "relationships" between older men and teenage girls.
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While the age gaps in such relationships typically attract scrutiny, they lend themselves to a more insidious byproduct: An exploitative power dynamic that often leaves one partner — the younger girl — with little sense of control or choice. Because it's so important to stop normalizing predatory relationships, we asked women of the BuzzFeed Community who've "dated" older men as teenagers and later realized they were predators to share their experiences. Here are some of the more than 300 stories they responded with: 1. "When I was 14, I got my first job at a fast-food restaurant. The men that I worked with were in their twenties to thirties. They'd always comment on how my body looked and that there was no way I wasn't 18. I thought it was cool to be getting all this make attention. One of my managers was 21, and he also couldn’t believe that I wasn't 18. We started dating, and he always told me not to tell anyone — that this had to be a secret. I thought it was love when, in reality, he was in a position of power and using that to cloud my judgment." "Looking back now, I can’t imagine what sick 21-year-old would want to date a 14-year-old?!" —Anonymous, Texas. 2. "At 18, I was in a dark place mentally. My mother's friend's son, 21, started messaging me on Facebook. We started as friends, and we'd talk for hours. He then wanted to pursue a long-distance relationship. I agreed because I didn't date in high school. Guys were never that interested in me, so this was new and exciting. I was sexually assaulted by a friend's relative when I was 15, so I'd never felt at peace with my body and not had a physical relationship up to that point. Then, he started pressuring me for nudes and wanted to sext all the time. I was uncomfortable, but I did it because it was nice having someone to talk to. When I was 20, I started to build a real sisterhood with a couple of my friends, and he started getting possessive — but I wanted it to be loved so badly and wanted to feel wanted, so I stayed. Having my friends really changed it for me. They wanted me there, alive and happy, and it brought a new perspective to my life." "I had their platonic love, and it felt better than whatever love I thought I had. In the beginning, when we'd talk on Facebook, I felt like he understood what I was going through. We were trying to build a future together. I was going to move 20 hours away from my family to be with him, wore his class ring on a necklace, and had a wedding Pinterest board with his mom. As I got closer to my friends, he tried to control me because he didn't like me going out with them and manipulated me by threatening suicide a few times. After three years, I started to break it off, and he said what he knew would hurt me. The relationship was done." —swamp_witch96. 3. "I was 18, he was 25, and we met in a chat room. He lived about an hour away from me. A few days after meeting, we met for coffee in person, and it quickly spiraled into a full-on relationship. He regularly sexually abused me while coercing me into sex and having sex while I was asleep. Being only 18, I didn't realize it was coercion. He tried to disrupt my exams, and, once they were over, I moved in with him for the summer before university. He promised me a job with a local company, however, there was no job. So to get by, I racked up debt and took out credit cards. He tried to stop me from going to university, but I was stubborn and went anyway. I managed to leave the relationship, but only after losing over 10 grand, friends, and family." "He then slept with my housemates behind my back. He also slept with my best friend of the time while still having sex with me. When we first met, he told me that he had recently lost a baby to cot death but didn't tell me the exact date. When my birthday came around the following year, suddenly it was the anniversary of the death, and he was miserable all day. I have doubts that the child existed. On Valentine's Day, he told me he had to babysit for his sister. I since found out that he had plans with another girl. He later told me, after we broke up, that his sister had a stillborn baby, and he just needed to talk about it. I found out from his sister that the baby was alive and thriving." —Anonymous, United Kingdom. 4. "I met him at a church gathering he was 28, and I was 16 — a 12-year age difference! He started to message me on Facebook. At first, it was, 'How's your day going?' and he'd send poems he'd written. To be polite, I'd reply. One day, he was messaging me nonstop. I was homeschooled, so I was doing homework and had Facebook open. I started to feel uncomfy when he said I understood him, I was such a great friend, and how it was so amazing to talk to me. I replied, 'Hey, you're working, right? Why dont you focus on that and not waste your time with my 16-year-old self?' I hoped my age would remind him that I was a minor. Well, this guy replied quickly, 'Aw, I'm never wasting my time when I talk to you ,)' When he sent that, alarm bells went off." "A WINKY FACE. I knew this wasn't right. I told him I had a test to do and logged out only to log back in and block him! I didn't fall for his trap, but looking back, I am mortified at what he was trying to do!" —Anonymous, Florida. 5. "I was 15, and he was 25. I lost my virginity to him. His mother tried to stop it. I hated her guts and felt like she was so manipulative. I realize now how far I'd go to make sure my son doesn't date a child. Later, when I was 17, I dated a 27-year-old for 1.5 years. The real kicker: At a barbecue a few years ago, my high school crush, a boy my age — who to this day is my one that got away — told me that he loved me all throughout high school, but I was always talking about how I dated older guys. We're both married with children now, but that gutted me.
Article about girls for older guys:
Most, if not all, women have experienced unwanted attention from older men in their lives. However, it's more difficult for young girls — from their preteens to their early twenties — to discern when this attention is predatory, especially as society conditions them to perceive male attention as a marker of their value. Consequently, society has normalized "relationships" between older men and teenage girls.
GO TO SITE
While the age gaps in such relationships typically attract scrutiny, they lend themselves to a more insidious byproduct: An exploitative power dynamic that often leaves one partner — the younger girl — with little sense of control or choice. Because it's so important to stop normalizing predatory relationships, we asked women of the BuzzFeed Community who've "dated" older men as teenagers and later realized they were predators to share their experiences. Here are some of the more than 300 stories they responded with: 1. "When I was 14, I got my first job at a fast-food restaurant. The men that I worked with were in their twenties to thirties. They'd always comment on how my body looked and that there was no way I wasn't 18. I thought it was cool to be getting all this make attention. One of my managers was 21, and he also couldn’t believe that I wasn't 18. We started dating, and he always told me not to tell anyone — that this had to be a secret. I thought it was love when, in reality, he was in a position of power and using that to cloud my judgment." "Looking back now, I can’t imagine what sick 21-year-old would want to date a 14-year-old?!" —Anonymous, Texas. 2. "At 18, I was in a dark place mentally. My mother's friend's son, 21, started messaging me on Facebook. We started as friends, and we'd talk for hours. He then wanted to pursue a long-distance relationship. I agreed because I didn't date in high school. Guys were never that interested in me, so this was new and exciting. I was sexually assaulted by a friend's relative when I was 15, so I'd never felt at peace with my body and not had a physical relationship up to that point. Then, he started pressuring me for nudes and wanted to sext all the time. I was uncomfortable, but I did it because it was nice having someone to talk to. When I was 20, I started to build a real sisterhood with a couple of my friends, and he started getting possessive — but I wanted it to be loved so badly and wanted to feel wanted, so I stayed. Having my friends really changed it for me. They wanted me there, alive and happy, and it brought a new perspective to my life." "I had their platonic love, and it felt better than whatever love I thought I had. In the beginning, when we'd talk on Facebook, I felt like he understood what I was going through. We were trying to build a future together. I was going to move 20 hours away from my family to be with him, wore his class ring on a necklace, and had a wedding Pinterest board with his mom. As I got closer to my friends, he tried to control me because he didn't like me going out with them and manipulated me by threatening suicide a few times. After three years, I started to break it off, and he said what he knew would hurt me. The relationship was done." —swamp_witch96. 3. "I was 18, he was 25, and we met in a chat room. He lived about an hour away from me. A few days after meeting, we met for coffee in person, and it quickly spiraled into a full-on relationship. He regularly sexually abused me while coercing me into sex and having sex while I was asleep. Being only 18, I didn't realize it was coercion. He tried to disrupt my exams, and, once they were over, I moved in with him for the summer before university. He promised me a job with a local company, however, there was no job. So to get by, I racked up debt and took out credit cards. He tried to stop me from going to university, but I was stubborn and went anyway. I managed to leave the relationship, but only after losing over 10 grand, friends, and family." "He then slept with my housemates behind my back. He also slept with my best friend of the time while still having sex with me. When we first met, he told me that he had recently lost a baby to cot death but didn't tell me the exact date. When my birthday came around the following year, suddenly it was the anniversary of the death, and he was miserable all day. I have doubts that the child existed. On Valentine's Day, he told me he had to babysit for his sister. I since found out that he had plans with another girl. He later told me, after we broke up, that his sister had a stillborn baby, and he just needed to talk about it. I found out from his sister that the baby was alive and thriving." —Anonymous, United Kingdom. 4. "I met him at a church gathering he was 28, and I was 16 — a 12-year age difference! He started to message me on Facebook. At first, it was, 'How's your day going?' and he'd send poems he'd written. To be polite, I'd reply. One day, he was messaging me nonstop. I was homeschooled, so I was doing homework and had Facebook open. I started to feel uncomfy when he said I understood him, I was such a great friend, and how it was so amazing to talk to me. I replied, 'Hey, you're working, right? Why dont you focus on that and not waste your time with my 16-year-old self?' I hoped my age would remind him that I was a minor. Well, this guy replied quickly, 'Aw, I'm never wasting my time when I talk to you ,)' When he sent that, alarm bells went off." "A WINKY FACE. I knew this wasn't right. I told him I had a test to do and logged out only to log back in and block him! I didn't fall for his trap, but looking back, I am mortified at what he was trying to do!" —Anonymous, Florida. 5. "I was 15, and he was 25. I lost my virginity to him. His mother tried to stop it. I hated her guts and felt like she was so manipulative. I realize now how far I'd go to make sure my son doesn't date a child. Later, when I was 17, I dated a 27-year-old for 1.5 years. The real kicker: At a barbecue a few years ago, my high school crush, a boy my age — who to this day is my one that got away — told me that he loved me all throughout high school, but I was always talking about how I dated older guys. We're both married with children now, but that gutted me.